


can't remember the last time i felt like i belonged

by broadway_hufflepuff



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex is a Good Friend (Julie and The Phantoms), Alive Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bobby |Trevor Wilson| is a Good Friend, Depression, Gen, Good Person Bobby | Trevor Wilson, Hurt/Comfort, Luke Patterson is a Good Friend (Julie and The Phantoms), Mentioned physical self harm but it's not actually in the fic (there's a misunderstanding), Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Canon, Protective Alex (Julie and The Phantoms), Protective Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Needs a Hug (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie is a Good Friend (Julie and The Phantoms), Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Worth Issues, We stan Alex for being all-around iconic and sweet, self sabotage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27258016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadway_hufflepuff/pseuds/broadway_hufflepuff
Summary: Would they even notice if he left? If he didn’t show up for rehearsal?His parents didn’t notice if he didn’t come home, so who’s to say his bandmates wouldn’t do the same?
Relationships: Alex & Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Reggie, Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 349





	can't remember the last time i felt like i belonged

**Author's Note:**

  * For [asexualjuliet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexualjuliet/gifts).



> TRIGGER WARNINGS  
> This is kind of a heavy fic today.  
> -Emotional child abuse  
> -Depression and poor mental health  
> -Self hatred  
> -Self sabotaging  
> -MENTIONED physical self harm but it's not actually in the fic. there's a misunderstanding and someone thinks someone else was doing it  
> -Anxiety  
> -Period-typical homophobia (some assholes basically make fun of Alex)
> 
> I want everyone to stay safe and healthy so if any of these topics make you uncomfortable, I completely understand if you want to just skip this fanfiction. 
> 
> You matter, you are loved, and you are wanted.
> 
> If anyone ever needs to talk I'm here. I want you all to know I support all of you. 
> 
> Alex and Reggie and Luke and Bobby deserved better.
> 
> I've been reading a lot of fics where Reggie is considered the 'weak link' and I wanted to show my take on it, pre-canon. I don't remember exactly which ones used the phrase weak link, but I really loved that idea! I wrote it really fast so if there are any mistakes please let me know.
> 
> Please don't repost.
> 
> Characters do not belong to me.

When Bobby first joined the band, Reggie was excited. He was stoked to have a new friend; someone who was cool and talented and had a great garage to practice in. It didn’t even matter that Bobby hadn’t been part of Sunset Curve at the beginning. 

And it _was_ cool. At least, it was at first. 

But now Luke and Alex have started giving Reggie’s bass solos to Bobby’s guitar, and, well- it kind of hurts. 

He _knows_ they’re just being inclusive and that they just want to try a new sound, but he already feels like the odd one out. He’s the one in all the low classes- the dumb one, the one whose parents never drove them around anywhere because his parents _sucked-_ Reggie is the weak link.

And he’s sick of it. He’s sick of hurting. He’s _sick_ of his parents telling him to go away; sick of hearing Alex and Luke and Bobby laugh at something someone in their chemistry class did. 

“It would have been funnier if you were there,” Luke says, doubled over with laughter.

“Right,” Reggie replies.

Would they even notice if he left? If he didn’t show up for rehearsal? 

His parents didn’t notice if he didn’t come home, so who’s to say his bandmates wouldn’t do the same?

* * *

Reggie doesn’t show up to practice on Thursday. 

He doesn’t go home, either. He takes his bass guitar and sits in his backyard. He’s holding a pencil and a notebook, and he wants to write a song. He wants to be _useful_ for once, but he can barely get two words down before he’s jolted by his parents screaming swears at each other.

 _I just need someone to talk to,_ he writes down. He’s thinking of what lyric should come next, but his mom yells “SCREW YOU!” in the house so loudly that Reggie thinks the ground shakes. 

Or maybe it’s him.

The last letters fade out as the pencil cracks, his hand tight around it.

Reggie stares at the paper.

 _Stupid._ He can’t even write a song without it being pathetic.

He slams the notebook shut and falls backwards into the grass.

* * *

“Where _were_ you?” 

Reggie jumps. He looks up, startled. Luke and Alex are staring at him. 

“Well?” asks Alex. 

Reggie’s knuckles go white around his locker door. “I needed a day off,” he lies, “My mom needed my help. A- a family emergency. You know?”

Luke narrows his eyes. “Why are you lying, Reggie?”

“What?”

“You’re _lying._ Where were you?” Alex looks concerned. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“I’m fine,” says Reggie. _Another lie._ He runs a shaky hand over his head, hoping they can’t see him tremble. 

“You’re shaking,” Luke points out. He furrowed his eyebrows, mouth dropping open slightly. “Reg-”

 _You’re the weak link,_ says Reggie’s brain. _You’re just dragging them down._

“No,” Reggie says weakly, more in response to himself than to Luke.

Bobby appears by Luke’s side. “What’s up, man?” He does this weird little handshake thing with Luke, which makes Reggie want to throw up, because _how come he didn’t have one-_

“What’s going on?” Bobby’s voice shakes him out of his thoughts.

“Imquittingtheband.” The words fly out of Reggie’s mouth so fast that he doesn’t even realize he’s saying them.

Alex tilts his head. “What?”

“I’m quitting the band,” he repeats quietly.

Luke gapes at him. “Wait, what? Why?”

_You’re the weak link, you’re dragging them down, weak, pathetic, stupid, useless, weak,_

_weak, weak, alone._

“I’m just bored with it,” Reggie says, shrugging. He doesn’t mean it, not one bit, but he wants them to let him go. He doesn’t want to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Alex flushes. “What do you mean?”

“I’m done. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Man, what-”

Reggie wants to throw up. He hates himself he hates himself he hates himself- “I _said_ I’m done.”

“You don’t need to be mean about it,” Luke snaps. “You’re being a jerk.”

 _Good,_ a part of him thinks, _Good. Be that person. They’ll thrive without you._

“Yeah, well. So were you.” Reggie’s voice is deadpan. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t-_

Alex looks wrecked. Luke grabs his arm, and takes a step back. “Let’s go,” he says. “I guess we’re not wanted here.” 

Reggie watches the three of them leave.

_Weak link, boring, pathetic, stupid, useless, weak, weak, weak, alone._

* * *

Reggie’s hands are tight around the straps of his backpack when he starts heading out of the highschool. 

The hallways are empty, because he waited for everyone to leave. He didn’t want to face Luke and Alex and Bobby. He just wanted to go home and do his homework and maybe make his parents proud of him for once in his life.

“Hey! Freshman!” a voice yells, and Reggie whips around. 

A group of senior boys are leaning under the awning of the building, one of them with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He grins at Reggie. “Aren’t you friends with that kid?”

Reggie’s heart hammers. “What?”

The guy rolls his eyes. “You know,” he says, “The one about this tall? Blonde floppy hair? Wicked annoying? Queer?”

Something inside Reggie boils. “Shut up,” he mutters.

“His name’s Alex, right? Do his parents know he’s gay yet? Probably not. If he was my kid, I’d kick his ass.”

Reggie freezes. “Take that back,” he says. His tries to keep his voice as level as he can, but he can hear the tremor. 

“Nah, I don’t think I will. I wanna talk to this kid on Monday. See if I can get him to see things the way I see it.”

 _“Leave. Alex. Alone.”_ Reggie’s hands curl into fists, and he steps towards the group of boys. “I sw-swe-swear to God, if you lay one hand on him-”

“You’ll what? Kill me?” The guy laughs, elbowing his friend. “Dude, this kid _really_ thinks-”

Reggie _punches_ him.

He’s never been in a fight before, and he _punches_ him.

“Don’t talk about Alex like that ever again,” Reggie threatens, the tone of voice dangerously low. His hand is sore. He’s still staring at his bloody knuckles when a punch comes in for his face.

His body is hitting the ground before he can catch his bearings.

* * *

He wakes up on the sidewalk, freezing.

 _That’s weird,_ he thinks, _the sidewalk wasn’t red before._

Oh. 

_Oh._

His face is aching and he is dimly aware that he should have worn a jacket.

He has nowhere to go.

Although his dad has never hit him before, Reggie realizes he’s scared his dad is going to add to the injuries if he goes home like this.

He pulls himself up and stumbles across the field. Bobby’s house is right around the corner. 

_You’re the weak link, you’re dragging them down, weak, pathetic, stupid, useless, weak,_

_weak, weak, alone._

Everything _hurts._ They didn’t get his legs too bad, but his entire upper body feels like it’s been run over. 

Reggie can’t see through the pain. He thinks he’s at Bobby’s (maybe?) but for some reason, all he can see is dots. They eat away at his vision, and he slumps against the garage door. 

He knocks. Once. Twice. 

His knees shake, threatening to buckle underneath him.

He knocks again.

The light goes on. Or at least, he thinks it does.

“What the hell-” Bobby says. “Jesus Christ, Reggie?”

Reggie trips towards him, and Bobby reaches out to steady him. “Shit,” Bobby mumbles. “What happened?”

“They were making fun of Alex,” Reggie sobs, “I was- m-m-mad and I-”

“I’m going to get some ice.” Bobby guides Reggie towards the couch. “And I’m going to call Alex and Luke. Is that okay?”

Reggie is too tired to argue.

_Weak, pathetic, stupid, useless, weak, weak, weak, alone._

He drifts off.

* * *

Something cool is being pressed against his face.

Reggie opens his eyes. 

“Reg?” It’s Luke. “Reggie? Are you okay?”

Someone is pushing his hair back. “It’s all bloody,” says Alex. “I mean, your hair. They really did a number on you.”

Reggie cracks a smile. “You should see the other guy.”

Alex exhales, breathing jittery. “God, Reggie. Don’t scare me like that.”

Luke’s eyes are bloodshot, Reggie realizes. With a pang of guilt, he realizes that they’ve all been crying.

_Weak, pathetic._

“Don’t cry over me,” Reggie says suddenly, “I don’t deserve it.”

Bobby grip on the ice pack loosens. “What?” 

“I’m just the weak link,” Reggie repeats. He can’t feel his lips. He’s pretty sure his eyes are swollen. “I’m dragging you down, and I don’t do anything good for the band, and my parents _hate_ me, and I’m never enough for anyone, and I can’t take it anymore-”

 _“Reggie,”_ Alex interrupts. “Breathe, alright? Please breathe.”

Reggie ignores him. “I’m sorry I quit, I was being a jerk, but I had to make you guys hate me because I was dragging you down and-”

Luke’s hand clasps around Reggie’s own trembling ones. “You’re not dragging us down. Why would you even-” Luke looks worried. “-Why would you even say that? We love you, Reggie. You’re our best friend.”

“You like Bobby better than me,” Reggie says. He feels dumb. “ _I_ like Bobby better than me.”

Bobby bites his lip. “I’m not replacing you, Reggie.”

“You should. You should, because I can’t-”

“Did you do this on purpose?” asks Alex suddenly. “I want you to answer me honestly, did you want us to hate you so you would stop being a- what did you say- weak link?”

“Yes.”

“Reggie, you’re not- you’re not holding us back from _anything._ We need you. Oh my God, how long have you been feeling like this?” Luke wrings his hands together.

“Since my parents started fighting.”

“When was that?” asks Bobby.

“Last year.”

Bobby sucks in a breath. “Shit, Reggie. Do you need to stay here for a while?”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not!” Alex raises his voice. “Reggie, you’re _depressed!_ You need to stay here, _please._ I’m worried about you.”

Reggie stays quiet for a moment. He wishes he could see their expressions better. 

“Did you go looking for a fight on purpose?” Luke wonders, so soft that Reggie can barely hear it. “Were you trying to get hurt?”

Reggie blinks. “W-what? N-no. They were threatening to hurt Alex.”

Alex’s face glows red. “You shouldn’t have punched him. I appreciate the sentiment, man, I really do, but I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” says Reggie.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Bobby murmurs softly. “Just promise us you’ll stay here for a little while? Please.”

“I’ll even stay with you if you want,” offers Luke.

“Me too,” says Alex.

Reggie hesitates.

But he concentrates really hard and can see that Alex is on the verge of an anxiety attack. And that Luke has been crying for hours. And even Bobby- Bobby looks upset, too. “Okay,” he says finally. 

“Thank you,” breathes Luke. “God, Reg, I don’t know what we’d do if something ever happened to you. We wouldn’t be able to get through it. We love you. You know that, right?”

For the first time in a long time, something warm spreads inside of Reggie. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “I know.”

_I love you guys, too._

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments/kudos are greatly appreciated!


End file.
